Jay's Silly Words

Let’s take this road

Ignore the signs

Let’s write a code

Draw some lines

Lets start these lives

Forgetting the old

For when love arrives

We’ll vanquish the cold

Past aches and pains

Will vanish and flee

And all that remains

Our two hearts free

I’ll find us a car

You get some beer

We can drive far

Or stay right here

Wherever we come

Our new life can start

Lost in nowhere to some

But home for my heart

Life, us, will shake

Throw odd curves

But together we’ll take

Whatever life serves

With you there’s no bad

Only time with you

No reasons to be sad

Just two hearts true

We’ll get old and slow

Our travels get long

Weathering will show

To age we’ll belong

Our bodies sag down

Our senses more dull

Hair gray from brown

Nature’s youth-cull

But the rhythm still loud

A constant strong beat

Of which we’re so proud

And none other compete

The beating of our love

Stronger than ever

Completely devoid of

Possibility of sever

You my dear are

The adventure of my life

My favorite heart scar

The song I call my wife

Trying to forget about you

Is exactly the same

As trying to forget the sound

Of my own name

Forgetting the feelings, thoughts

We once shared

Grasping holding on tight to

Any feelings spared

I know what I must do now

I’ve done this before

Grieve miss pick-up move on

Like listing chores

But how do you explain to

A live beating heart

How to accept the process

Of tearing apart

How do you make your hands

Just stop shaking

Do I just live with this slow death

Do I start faking

Like a constant flu or cold

A lingering disease

Memories of her beauty, grace

Linger with ease

I see other women and girls

New distractions

Feeble attempts to cover up

Cardiac contractions

I’ll go on she will do the same

Life goes on

Start new homes new loves

This one’s gone

This love will subtly disperse

Like an old scar

Or a building in the rear window

Of a fast car

I want out of this vehicle now

And run back to

That building fading away behind

Run back to you

Or maybe I’ll reopen the scar

Before it fades

Tear into my skin with finger tips

Personal blades

Try as I might pain that I feel

Nothing works

Remedies, distractions, new things

Heartbreak lurks

I follow the directions do as I’m told

It must get better

Follow advice pretend I hadn’t even

Ever met her

If I could drown this feeling

Put it to death

I would hold it’s head under until it

Takes last breath

I would scream as loud as I could

Roar, my rage

I hate this I hate her I hate you

Hate this page

But I will not ever forget you

All the same

Or the way you would softly call

Out my name

It always starts so innocent, so coy

Like a high school girl asking a boy

For the second last dance of the night

And everything feels awkwardly right

She lays down on her side, him behind

Subtly and softly, his hands try to find

The points of interest her body bears

But making sure his hands go everywhere

Her breathing gets faster, sharp, short

Lust and desire, her senses begin to court

Every time his fingers find the right spot

Her body shakes as if she were just shot

She lifts her chest, and then her hips

Giving location hints without her lips

He notices the advice, but takes his time

Kisses her toes and begins to climb

Sensations from her feet rush to her heart

Back down her navel, to where legs part

Driven insane, throws patience to the wind

Clutches his hair, his head is pinned

Her tension is released, she cries out loud

He does everything to her he is allowed

He pins her down, becomes her master

She screams louder when he gets faster

He then slows and she cries in despair

He smiles at and loves her terrified stare

Begging him to resume the faster speed

Her submissive pleads are all he needs

She gasps for air, his hand obstructs flow

Making impossible the request “no”

Finding sinful pleasure in his actions

Shows her consent in abrasive reactions

Hours flash by like meaningless events

The dawn of morning, their night prevents

They stretch out this game until the Sun

Forces a rise and demands “you’re done!”

With one hard, single last gasp for breath

A cry of pleasure mimicking one of death

They both die for a moment, lose control

Feeling euphoria rush into body, mind, soul

Their brains are useless, body governs all

From their climax peak, they begin to fall

Like falling from plane, their senses simmer

Each light in the room gets slightly dimmer

In slow motion, her body embraces his

Wherever his mouth goes, her’s also is

They whisper and giggle in hushed tones

She nibbles his face, he traces her bones

A persistent warmth embraces them both

They marvel at their romance’s growth

Both are in heaven, ecstasy perfected

Denouement even better than expected

She looks into his eyes, deep and in awe

Wondering if this man carries one flaw

She cherishes his mouth, loves his hands

Loves the way he disables ability to stand

He holds her close knowing deep inside

This is the final place for his heart to reside

He knows she is something to keep forever

A connection like this you cannot sever

Hold her close he will for all days

And love her he will, in so many ways

He feels the skin on his arm become slightly damp

As he brushes proof of work from above his brow

He looks at his flesh cloth with today’s labor stamp

Machines down, muscles relax, it’s just her now

His drive home seems fast because of daily routine

Same lights, similar stops, revisited urban sights

Steps in his house, notices the hall floor unclean

Stores the memo, and turns on the kitchen lights

One point five hours to complete the tasks at hand

If he cooks the chicken now maybe time for a beer

He prepares as if for a special night he had planned

Yet it is so routine, his motive; vague and unclear

She arrives home, he hears her, he is now frozen

Takes in this moment of his beloved’s return home

No better satisfaction could he have ever chosen

Then breaks out of his momentary happiness dome

She puts away her affects, he pours her a glass of wine

She speaks to him, he listens like a dedicated student

Together they laugh, awkwardly pause, chat and dine

But everything he says, or does, for her, is prudent

They slip off to bed, bellies full and hearts content

He shows her a small flower he found on his break

Said it reminded him of her for its peachy scent

Their lullaby is the breathing from the love they make

Morning finds them tangled up like loose wire

The last residual sweat beads vanish into the air

Still slightly sore from last night’s lullaby of desire

Another night to which very few others could compare

But like some sick, cruel, burglary of malicious intent

This blissful indoor sunrise moment is taken away

With only two more minutes they would be content

Reluctantly he rises and prepares to begin the new day

Bags some food for his beloved’s lunch and snack

Leaves a note on the table with some silly loving words

Returns to the bed, kisses her softly, she kisses back

The next voices he hears are those of the morning birds

As he starts his car, another day’s monotonous routine

A life that, to some, would seem uneventful and plain

He looks at each day as the most beautiful he’s ever seen

Because he knows at the end of it, he’ll be with her again

Tonight, right now, I hope it ends

My goal, on my will, it depends

I open my skin, let truth rush in

And with simple slit, it begins

I hate you for this, but do you know

By reading this, you are not the foe

The true fault, I will keep away

For she, I keep, from this dark day

Shall she find me, I hope not

I love her much, thus my body rot

She will be safe from the guilt

In this safe place for her I have built

The blood will remain unexplained

Her clear conscience I will have gained

As the red soaks my lonely floor

Because for her I wish so much more

In future years she will find glee

From all this red I humbly set free

A better half will find her heart

My end will finally justify my start

My end will disappear in shadows of time

And reveal happiness through act of crime

No one will hear my last cry

But for her, I let myself die

Is a martyr still one if forever unknown

If tonight I leave my arms not sown

If tonight the ends, justified are

From the means I create, so far

I care not, for I know deep down

My own suffering, in happiness will drown

I do this for right, never for wrong

I do this for her, for what she will long

As I step towards the bathroom tub

My openings together, which I rub

I somehow cannot turn the faucet’s hand

On the floor of failure is where I land

She will have to deal for a week or two

Until I find a way to do what I must do

I returned to sheet of paper with a pen in hand

To spill my heart’s sorrows just as I had planned

To continue this routine, expelling inner pain

Using ink in hopes to transfer a past-induced stain

Put it in a place where I can visit at my own will

Instead of a sharp surprise like mid summer chill

Inevitable, however, these random stabs are

Like trying to use my body to stop a moving car

I ponder shortly of my ineffective effort to heal

Wounds remain while my remaining years peel

So what do I use now to calm my troubled self?

Rhetorical question asked as I reach for the shelf

I was already heading here, pen was just the door

Soon I will be content, lying naked on my floor

My fucked up head will then put her at my side

My breathing will get short and my eyes get wide

I’ll laugh at the sky, whisper and kiss at a ghost

Inviting in more of my hallucination’s host

I tell myself this time will finally be the last

The last time I rope myself to this sunk ship’s mast

Maybe tonight these words will finally come true

Perhaps my skin will shrink, and soul seep through

Wishful thinking can become dangerous you see

You can’t give these types of privileges to me

Paralyzed now, my only moving organ is my heart

The one I wish I could turn a switch and restart

Till morning my naked body is my at peace den

Holding onto nothing but this rhetorical pen

A savory loss

Like a misplaced cross

Feeling without

Yearning to shout

Failure to hear

Small but dear

A heavenly shaped

Ownership raped

Helplessly alone

Stripped of throne

Search and seek

Outcome bleak

Feeling robbed

Heart has sobbed

Far from recovered

Closure undiscovered

Possession lost

When two hearts crossed

One crossed river

Resolve at a quiver

The other yearns

Gets what it earns

Yet now both still

Recall the old thrill

The love once had

Nights spent sad

Comfortable tears

To wash away fears

Awkward perfection

Of taboo complexion

A story book start

Which plot tore apart

As two were one

Their tale is done

Explanation missing

As is the kissing

Pages torn from book

Time; the guilty crook

Yet culprit remains

The one who contains

Memory souvenirs

Graying with years

Time then restarts

Forgotten are the hearts

Lives go on

Dusk breeds dawn

Yet, at the very back

Of a shelf or rack

Is a unison force

An unfinished course

An item misplaced

All but memory erased

Hiding under a bed

Maroon in sea of red

A treasure long gone

A photographed dawn

Induced a cry

Since, eyes gone dry

Absence still felt

Feelings don’t melt

Snow that winter did

Underneath reality hid

Sun brought cold

Took what winter sold

Which now is lost

An heirloom tossed

A pendant once favored

A loss now savored

Just a misplaced cross

Just a bittersweet loss

You are no more than a healed burn

A mistake from which I learn

A solution to which I do not turn

A sensation I know not to yearn

I made the mistake of one odd touch

Knowing to let go, I continued to clutch

I waited until the sensation was too much

And all left of you was a year long crutch

At first, the sharp sensation was just warm

Feelings awakened and began to swarm

Tricked by your goddess-like form

Confusing my logic in a love-lust storm

Upon release came the aftermath pain

Source gone, immense hurt acts as stain

Left over with just inverse gain

And soaked surfaces from eyeball rain

Over time your persistence would cease

Unknowingly, just like that I felt release

Like an abandoned house’s expired lease

I am just like before you, normal and at peace

I wait outside for the incessant rant

Inevitably about to begin

Albeit, in it’s absence my heart cant

Your heart, get within

The sounds of anger, shouts of hate

Opposite this door

Equal to the tall, barb-wired gate

To your heart shaped core

With it’s contents I hopelessly obsess

Take what I can get

Your chaotic characters are a mess

One I’ll never forget

Syllables like the clashing of swords

Lips; smoking barrels

I turn abrasive tones into light chords

Cries into carols

Proving Irony correct, I resist not

Welcoming the lashes

Only in downpour of fiery onslaught

Can I feel the ashes

Behind the storm, there lies a cave

Catacombs of beauty

Undeniable exploration, it, I crave

As if it were my duty

There’s a soul there, beyond the barrage

My obsession

Less concrete than stone, more than mirage

My only possession

A gorgeous flower, a woman still adores

Despite thorny sting

Even in pain, a handicapped eagle soars

Despite a broken wing

Even hurt, when, on a pedestal, placed

Can bring one joy

Agony aside, when faults are emrbraced

There’s just Girl and Boy

She condescends me and calls me a waste

But I’m ready and set

When, of her febrile passion, I get a taste

I’ll take what I can get

Sick and awake, press Start to begin

Bliss means a loss, sin defines the win

The pale colored dark starting from within

Moves like sunrise light across my skin

Comfort disappears, recognition replaces

The harsh, strong sting, my nerves, it graces

Sores and boils appear, create surface faces

My body, blank paper, across it disease races

Ironically I smile, I appreciate the painful loss

Haven’t saved a soul, but my bed becomes my cross

The pale engulfs old skin color like a tree-bark moss

My blood turns to coffee, and my mind begins to toss

I challenge the bright lights, playing chicken games

Flashes in my mind, faces, moments, kisses and names

People I have met past, children, friends, seniors and dames

I’ll give it all up, I’ll lose everything, just to escape my shames